you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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