Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
