I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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