We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
