Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
