Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i believe in u and ur pee
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
