My sheets look like a crime scene.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
