I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
