You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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