I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
