Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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