I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
