Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
