hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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