anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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