that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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