I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
