What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
