I just pynch a tree in the face
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
