peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
