somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
