On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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