i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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