The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
