and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
