Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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