Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
