so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
