He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
