i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
