evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
