My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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