I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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