the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
