just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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