I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want you more than these girls want KFC
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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