I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
