I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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