First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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