If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
