Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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