you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There are leaves in my underwear?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize