I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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