i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
