Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
