Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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