Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
