I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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