I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
