So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
