I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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