I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would fuck him just for his dog
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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