I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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