It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
