Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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