well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
