If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
