her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
