Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize