I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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