Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
