I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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