we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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