You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
