I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
