i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There are leaves in my underwear?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize