3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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