if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
