you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
