hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
