I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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