She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
