I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
