if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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